Struggling

i am really struggling at the moment...

today is my Dad's birthday and tomorrow is fathers day in England so all that coupled with the anniversary on the 9th of this month makes it a very hard month for me indeed.

I think that i am sliding into a depressed state as I'm finding increasingly hard to enjoy life at the moment.

I have so much but still i cant seem to see it for what it's worth

Funny old time

it's been a weird/funny few days for me...

think that's just the leftover from Dad and his anniversary....

I thought i had so much that i wanted to say..but now that I've got a spare 5 minutes to blog...I've gone blank...

DollyGirl is going good, we changed her back to the old formula we were using...bad idea...she went back to screaming after her bottles..so at least we now know that a low lactose formula is helping....makes me wonder if she is actually lactose intolerance? but hubby, Bear and I have no such allergies, so could DollyGirl have this allergy?

Bear tried to shut the car door with his head on Sunday....Alas it did not work and he ended up with a cut on his head....don't head wounds bleed so much....oh my god...there i was rubbing it better like i normally do if he has hit his head when i looked at my hand and .....blood!!!! Mum graped the car keys ran inside and cold/wet flannel to the head....and Bear...well he just wanted mum to get the cold thing off his head and "can we go in the car now and go and have some birthday cake?"...

We were on our way out the door to a friends 3rd birthday...when he hit his head....

I did not sleep to god on Sunday night even though i had put the monitor from DollyGirls room right next to Bear i still kept checking him all night...well you never know with head wounds..

But he is all good now...phew

I'm not sure if I'm sliding into depression or not as i am finding all too hard at the moment and feel that life is just the same old thing day in day out....

or

I'm just so bloody tired all the time?

bring on Stroud...i think i will sleep that whole weekend...no not the whole weekend as i am so looking forward to catching up with all my sister that i haven't seen for so long

Dear Dad

Today I have been thinking about you a lot, as it’s been 2 years since you left this world….

I was remembering the time that I climbed out of my bedroom window…after I made my sister promise on her own death that she would not breathe a word of where I had gone (we shared a room) and went out with my boyfriend of the time only to try to come back through the window to find it shut and you standing looking out at me!!! Oh my god…did I get into trouble or what….

And the time when you came into our bedroom to smack our bottoms because my sister and I would not go to sleep, we were talking instead, I told Sis to put a hardback book on our bums….you smacked me first then…made a very strange noise and walked out the bedroom…only to come back with the wooden spoon!!! You took the book away and …….never used the wooden spoon……

The time spend with you in the garage just handing you screws, nails, tools were some of my happiest times…as I had you all to myself.

I never knew until your funeral just how proud you were of me that day I had to catch two buses and walk an hour to get to a job interview, only to have the employment agency get the time wrong in the first place and I turned up 30 minutes late anyway…I got the job through because I didn’t take no for an answer. You told my sisters all about it on many occasions they told me when ever they didn’t try very hard to get something!!!

Sometimes Dad I wished you had told me…..would it have been so hard to have done so?

I miss you Dad, I miss the fact the children will never know what a great Papa you would have been…..that they will only know you through photos and my memories.

I remember how we used to ride around on your back pretending that you were our very own race horse…your knees must have been so sore after doing this for the 3 of us…but never a word of complaint did we hear.

So many memories I have to treasure….and I am extremely grateful for them….

I love you still very much and miss you everyday

Your darling Daughter
Helen

WonderWomen

This was me yesterday.....

Hubby went to watch the Knights play so he left at 2:30pm and did not get home until 3:30am this morning....gasp...phew.....snore

So WonderWomen here had to play, feed, bath, dress, bottle and bed both Bear and DollyGirl by herself...

now this maynot seem like a big deal to some of you who may do this on a daily basis but i do not and it's a big thing for me to have done and done well with no tears, scream or shouting on my part or the kids!!!!

Ok got one

I'm grateful for...

My family's health

The fact my mum is coming over in Oct..(kind of rhymes)

That my washing machine is working..even if it leaks a wee bit

Our new carpet..oh yes i forgot to say we had carpet put in the bedrooms and hallway on Monday...looks and feeling great....

My lovely blue nails

Never again say i

Well I'm so over the day in day out of my life at the present moment...washing, cleaning, cooking, picking up after Bear, washing again.....and then washing again.....

and the weather is so not happening...cant go anywhere...cos it's persisting down.....

and on top of it all the said washing machine has now gone belly up....will cost about $500 to fix...new washing machine is in order......

Am trying to find a positive in my day......

no cant seem to find it yet...will get back to you on that one....

oh and maybe the fact that it's coming up to my Dad's anniversary is not helping