Thursday, December 17, 2009

It's time

I too have make the decision to end this blog...i feel that i now wish to focus on my marriage, my kids, finishing my book "The Sliver Key", my YAAD studies and my Dragon Oracle cards.

I don't feel that wish to share anything that is happening in my life on these blog, those that i care about will know what is happening in my life...but a don't think the world needs to know and i don't really feel the need to speak.

Please feel free to "call me or email"...Renata's famous words or check in on my DragonLore blog

Jewell xxx

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Very Sad day

I have just received an email that has let me know that our Summer Solstice has been cancelled...

this i find very, very sad.....

There has been a lot of work put in by the elf's in buying present for everyone....

People were looking forward to saying goodbye for the Christmas break....and that has been denied them...

and for what i wonder

Sunday, December 13, 2009

here and now

I do hate to see friends hurting.....

so all i can do is send love and healing to them and let them know that i am here for them to


and just about anything else they may need whenever

blessings xxx

Thursday, December 10, 2009

OK is my 2 bushes!!!

your outside bush is called Fred and our inside bush is called Ginger....not quite as impressive as George..but still not bad

Sunday, December 6, 2009

What's in a number

it's strange but i have been seeing the number 7,9,11,21 lots over the last week....





so am wander what this all means

I did some research on the good old web and this is some of what i found!!!

111, 1111 - These signs indicate that your thoughts are correct for the new cycle of your life and they are on your Spiritual Path. Continue with and follow these, as these thoughts relate to a new cycle in your life that is on your Spiritual Path

121, 1221, 2121, 2211, 1122 - These signs indicate that your current train of thought is correct for your Spiritual Path. These thoughts are your focus and following these will lead you along your Spiritual Path. This can be expressed simply as, 'You're following your path!'.

171, 1771, 1717, 7711, 1177 - These signs indicate that a lesson had been learnt on your Spiritual Path. You have learnt a lesson that your Spirit Guides want you to learn, one that is important and is necessary for you to progress on your path.

191, 1991, 1919, 9911, 1199 - These signs indicate the completion or ending of a phase on your Spiritual Path. The phase may or may not have come to an actual end at the time of seeing these signs, but, if you follow the thoughts you have at the time of seeing this sign, this phase will come to a complete end.

Number 7 - Philosopher, sage, wisdom seeker, reserved, inventor, stoic, contemplative, aloof, deep-thinker, introspective, spiritual, faith, esoteric, exotic, unusual, hidden, seeking perfection, ethereal, other worldly, enigma.

Number 9 - Humanitarian, compassionate, romantic, selfless, generous, philanthropic, loving, wisdom, idealist, artistic, spiritual healer, all allowing, other worldly, blending.

Number 11- Messenger, Inspired, Intuitive, Channeling, Inventive, Mystic, Spiritual, Teacher, Idealistic, Romantic, Artistic, Energetic, Enthusiasm, Angels of creative communication, Christ-like Love, Visionary, Joy-bringer.

Now to work out what it all means to me!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Honouring the Goddess

I was very sorry to have missed yet another full moon ritual by my YAAD class...but life has a way of getting in the way at the moment...

Hubby was out until 6pm, and we have just un-wrapped our little DollyGirl so she is not happy about it and not going down as well, so I needed to stay and help get her settled so by the time all that happen it was 7:30pm and too late to go...

but i felt that i needed to honour the i had a shower and went outside to sit and watch her full moon come up....

I lit a candle and some incense and just sat...

I sang a little as that is what i felt i needed to do, then i went into a mediation / trance.....

i had to go through a curtain of light and in order to pass through i had to let go of all that was unwanted baggage....

so i let go of

  • Greed
  • selfishness
  • anger
  • fear
  • lies
  • concerns with my children
  • issue in my relationship
Once i had done this a voice asked if i was being true to myself,

No i have not been

are you ready to be true to yourself

Yes i am

when i stepped through the curtain i was on a path that stretched out over a large and deep chasm...i could not see the path but i walked forward knowing that i would not fall and that i was safe...


I met with the lady Goddess who gave me a wonderful hug...

then i met...

The Lady of the Earth

She never spoke to me, just looked into my eyes and kissed my forehead..

Then the Lord of Air stepped forward...he placed his hands on my head and my head and said

"Sometimes these need to seperate and yet together. Allow them to do both"

Then the Lady of Fire stepped foreward

she placed her hands on my shoulders and said

"You know not passion, your fire is as cold as ice. Allow the fire to become hot and heat your blood"

last was the Lady of Water...

"you are not comfortable with my Element, but you need not fear it. I must flow, i will always change, do not fear this, allow it to happen"

they then came together with myself in the centre of their circle...held up their hands and light came from them...this light surrounded me and bathed me it's blessings....

Then i found myself back sitting on my cushion outside in my backyard...


lots to think about


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

finding the can be hard

I have wanted to write a post for a lone time but nothing seems to come, or if it does it's in the middle of the night and there is no way in hell I'm getting up to blog sleep is precious to me :-)

Mum's visit has put a lot of things into perspective for me, i had thought that we would have lots of D&M's when she was out here, but it was officious in the first couple of days that Mum is just not that sort of person. She does not like to talk about her feelings very much...and i am beginning to see that i too share this trait with her.

I talk alot, but not about how i really feel.

We did have some great talks about my Dad and what we remembered about him etc...that was wonderful.

I also got a lovely compliment from my Mum, she said is was a "great little mother" high praise indeed from your own mother.

There is so much more i feel i need to write, but it's hard to find the words. I am going through some stuff at the moment and am wondering where it will lead me....can only wait and see

Monday, November 23, 2009

Ghost photo's

Well i hope you can all see the little girl in these photo's. She is kneeling down, has long blond hair in pigtails and is wearing a pinny fore dress

Sunday, November 15, 2009

DollyGirl's naming day

Thursday, November 12, 2009

phew...lots happened but also not much did

so that's my mum's visit over...she has flown to Brisbane today until the 16th when she flys' direct to Sydney then onto London from there.

it was strange to say goodbye to her this afternoon at williamtown airport as i knew she was still in Australia...

Mum's visit has been a great one...but also a strange one

for some reason...i thought that i would be having some Deep and meaningful with mum over her time here...but as i came to find out in the first week she is not in to them...

she really is not comfortable with talking about feelings...and when i think about it our relationship has never been an open one...

so we talked about the kids and my sisters and their kids...and Dad and our memories of him and other stuff

we went to the Bay for a week...saw some dolphins and Whales...they are such beautiful creatures

we had lots of coffee and banana bread!!! Bear loves his "nana" bread

we had DollyGirl's naming day...will post some pics soon

we watched DollyGirl work out how to crawl forwards...well inch worm kind of crawl

and we laughed at her silly but beautiful faces that she pulls

Bear loved nanny playing "shark" with him..and "cars" so she was a big hit with him

we now have our bed back after the last 3 weeks on a mattress on the floor in the lounge room!!!! my back is very happy about that!!!

and tomorrow i'm off to a ghost tour and Sat a very, very early morning wedding!!! 5:30am...WTF

Thursday, November 5, 2009

am still alive and kicking...just too busy and tired to blog xxx

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

finally coming down...and getting time to blog!!!!

well mum arrived safe and sound after 21 hours of flying..she loved flying with Qantas as she flew premier class which is between business and more leg room and to hear mum tell it....wonderful due to the fact they gave you real cloth napkins!!!

So far are days have been filled with not much...





trips out on the harbour (boat trip over to Stockton)


how come there is always so much washing...

oh yes that's right two kids.....

but it's been wonderful to have mum here....she has already been a great help in getting Bear out of nappies and onto the toilet!!!!

one less thing for me to worry about...

off to Soldiers point on Friday for a Shell if your free let me know would love to come visit....

PS...I've created a website for my symbols..please check it out and let me know what you think...and yes please fell free to point out any spelling mistakes!!!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Count down

this is the week...mad cleaning frenzy..or not...depends on how i feel and how the kids are...but will clean bathroom and fridge....

one of my sisters put into words the other day why i have been feeling a little nervous about mum coming's due to the fact this will be the first time i see mum without dad...

big thing that...cos there has never been apart from his funeral that I've ever seen mum without dad!!!!

but all will be ok

Friday, October 9, 2009

only 6 days to go....

oh no and the house still looks like a pig sty!!!!

I've been in clean-up mode for the last week trying to get the house up to "mum" standard...but then the kids got sick and well it all went out of the window!

got me thinking why am i trying to get to her standard? as her house always looks like a show home...nothing out of dust anywhere!

you should see the dust in my place...hey i could draw in it at the moment and that's after I've dusted 3 times!!!

i think i don't want her to go back to England and my sisters with any ammunition, silly but that's how it's always trying to not let her see what things are really like....

that's why it was so hard last time Mum & Dad came out...cos i was trying to deal with a 4 month old at the same time....

well this time I'm on anti-depression meds so i think I'll be a little bit more chilled.

am really getting excited now.....

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Super bugs

I would seem that our little family have been hit with a super bug...well Hubby, Bear and DG...I seem to be ok at the present time....

Hubby got a very sore throat..and fever, then Bear came down with a horse voice, cough, runny nose and on Thursday night a fever, Bear is getting better now as is Hubby....unfortunately DG has it voice, cough, runny nose....just waiting for the fever.....

so please, please can you send her some high energy it is not be a good time for her...and being only 7 months old it's hard to tell her that she will be ok....and it's heart breaking to listen to her at the moment...

this is one of the many reasons that my blogging has been somewhat absent....i'm running on empty.....

so will interesting to see how my artwork looks on friday night....


Monday, October 5, 2009

What tarot card am i?

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you've been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you've done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

you know strange as i have this tarot deck and have always wanted to have this card as a tattoo

Saturday, September 26, 2009

do things come in 3's?

if they do...what the hell is going to happen next...

you would have all read my previous post re the wee little wipe-out we had on the beach on Thursday..

Well yesterday Bear decided to fall out of bed...with a huge thump... that was so loud it woke his sister and when i went in to him...

he was sitting facing his wardrobe and when i went to pick him up he started to shake and was all floppy....

he also would not wake up nor could he remember what had happened

so i called a good friend who said to call GP access after hours who said get him to John Hunter emergency ASAP....

Well i had to call MIL as hubby was watching the footie at a friends place and did not take the car so....MIL arrives

i get Bear in the car...

rush to the A&E....

check-in at A&E...

sit and read "Nemo" to Bear..

then see triage nurse who looks in his eyes...checks his neck and said that she felt he was ok...but i was welcome to wait...but as i could see that Bear had been ok in the car and did not seem confused or in pain i thought i would go home again.....

and this was all at 11pm at

Bear is ok today as if nothing ever happened...

so if things come in three's.........

what's next!!!!!

Friday, September 25, 2009


yesterday Bear, DollyGirl and i went to the beach in the morning,i thought it would be great to see the big waves....hmmm what i didn't expect is to see one that close up!!!

We were sitting down by Merewether baths...well up from the high tide mark, Dollygirl was on her tummy on the picnic blanket, bear was on top of a sand pile we had made, i was lying down next to DollyGirl...when i look up and saw this wall of water coming straight for us...i grabbed DG and then as Bear was knocked off his feet grabbed his hand as he wetn passed!!!!

Well i didn't really have time to think just react!!!

and thankfully there were lots of people that came to help, as all our stuff was washed back in the water and all over the beach.....

I have to say that Bear was a very Brave little boy...he help me to look after DG and got into the car once changed with no issues...

then of course we had to go get a chocolate paddle pop to calm us all down!!

tha was one very big washed all the way up over the path

Saturday, September 5, 2009

My fisrt full moon as high priestess

and what a night it was too!

full of fun, laughter, sisterhood and many of course those damn council regulations!!!

The full moon ritual was all about “Celebration of the Imagination” as the Moon in Pisces is all about tenderness, compassion and creativity. As the big softie of the Zodiac, Pisces links us to others through the heart, and heightens sensitivity. It's a great time to present ideas or do works that soothe the sorrows of the world. With squares to Jupiter and Mars, this full Moon inspires each of us to take our personal well of experience, draw out what's true, and present it as a gift to others.
The Pisces full Moon also brings the collective imagination to the foreground, and it's something we can all tap into if we know how.
The Pisces full Moon is like getting a day pass to that imaginative realm, and a great time to recommit to your own personal vision. There's likely to be a mood of mystery and magic that reveals the subtlest of vibes. It's a good time to quiet the chattering mind, and tune in to nature, music, art, film, and anything else that speaks to your soul.

I wrote a meditation to speak to our higher selves and to listen to the gifts and the goal that they set us..

here is the mediation for those that could not come and wish to use it....Mediation

Please close your eyes………………..take a deep breath in and as you release it allow your self to relax, feel your shoulders unknot, take another deep breath in…and feel your back and legs relax into the chair………………………………

As you sit here in this relaxed state I want you all to imagine that your higher self is now in this room with you………………………feel them standing at your right shoulder, their hand one your shoulder…………………….feel the warmth………………………the love……………the healing that comes from that touch………………………………………allow yourself to really feel their love of you………………………………now listen…………….as they have a gift to give you……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….allow their words / thoughts / feelings to come to you…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………they wish for you to set a goal……...............maybe it is something that you have always wanted to do….but could never quite get around to it…………..maybe it’s something you have been putting off for a while…………………..maybe it’s something completely new……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….allow your higher self to guide you and help you set this goal…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
It’s time for them to leave…………………know that they will always be there for you……their warmth, love and healing…………………………………thank them and slowly feel the chair in which you sit and the floor in which your feet are resting on………take a deep breath and slowly open your eyes…………..

I have to say that Teach did a wonderful job of reading this...she has a beautiful mediation voice....and she really knows how to relax you into a deep meditative state....

then it was off to the obelisk for the second part of our full moon ritual.....myself and others wised to have an outside ritual for one full moon but it was working out how to do one for the cottage and then another for we all know people are rather time it was strange or maybe not that i was at YAAD one night and was in the loo when i came up with the idea of holding an outside one on the same night after the cottage after asking teach and the other YAADers if they thought this would work...and yes it did work......

very well indeed......

i called the Dragons in for this ritual and boy were they ever present last night...i think that they were just a little enthusiast as they were there at the cottage ritual too...hence the heat in the room last night :-)

but the wind at the obelick was amazing as it died down once circle had been cast...and the halo around the moon...awesome...

and coffee, fun, fun.....

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Interesting info on Vervain

Verbena officinalis
This Old World native was a favorite of the Druids, who gathered vervain when the Dog Star, Sirius, was on the rise, in the dark of the Moon. The Druids utilized vervain in divination, consecration, and ritual cleansing of sacred spaces. They made a magical drink called the Cauldron of Cerridwen (a shape shifter) that some say included rowan berries, sea water, lesser celandine, flixweed, and vervain, which brought the drinker creative energy for bardic song and prophecy; a drink made from vervain is still said to help poets in their work. Vervain is also still used to make a drink for initiating into Druidic paths. It is fragrant and can be drunk as a tea or burned as an incense. In its connection with the Underworld, it can be added to a cup of wine drunk on Samhain to aid contact with the Beloved Dead.
In Purification

Vervain has a long history of use in purification. King Solomon cleansed the Temple with vervain, and the Romans placed it on altars in honor of Venus and Diana. A lustral water can be made from vervain for purifying ritual tools, and a bath with vervain can help the bather prepare for ritual work. In the British Isles, people held vervain over the Beltane fire to protect their livestock and strewed it over their fields at Summer Solstice to make sure they would be fertile. Nowadays, Pagans strew it over their gardens for the same reason.

As Protective
However, vervain is also protective--Roman soldiers carried vervain with them into battle, and homes have been sprinkled with an infusion of vervain to keep out evil. It can also be burned as an incense for this purpose. In the old Langauge of Flowers, vervain stood for enchantment and still is very important in various aspects of magick. Drinking the tea is said to help in astral work and divination, and for that reason is tied by some to Mercury. A mug of vervain tea is made from 1-3 teaspoons of herb left to steep in a mug for 10-15 minutes. Also, you can make an oil to anoint the Third Eye by macerating this herb in olive oil.
Other Names
Vervain is also known as Vervan, Van, Ferfaen, Verbein, Verbena, Verbinaca, Dragon's Claw, Enchanter's Plant, Tears of Isis, Juno's Tears, Herba Veneris (herb of Venus), Persephonion, Demetria, Mercury's Moist Blood, Peristerium, Sagmina, Pigeon Grass, Pigeonwood, Frog-foot, Simpler's Joy, Altar Plant, Herba Sacra or Herbe Sacrée, Holy Plant, Herb of Cross, Holy Herb, and Herb of Grace.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Guess....Bear or Dollygirl take or not to take, to give or not to give

you know i have often wondered if giving advice is actually you just giving your opinion?

can you ever give advice to an-one without this opinion getting in the way?

because you wouldn't be giving advice on a subject that you didn't know anything about would you?

so are you giving out information to help some-one or to put your point / opinion across?

and as for taking the said advice


i mean if you wanted some-ones opinion would you not just ask for it?

it seems strange to me that people will come up and try to give you the advice when you haven't asked for it in the first place and then expect you to be over the moon cos they have chosen to impart their vast knowledge to you.....when they are 20 years younger than you!!!!

what life knowledge do they have that could help you?

not that's wrong of course they have some knowledge but i just don't like it when they feel that a Dr is wrong and they are soooo right........

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Aloe Vera protection spell

Aloe Vera home protection spell

You will need…..

1 candle (you can use which ever colour you wish)
1 large piece of aloe Vera
Beading wire
Beads (any colour)

String the beads onto the beading wire placing your intent into each bead. You can maybe come up with a mantra to say as you thread on each bead. Mine for this spell was…

“Beads on this wire so fine, guard this home with the power of the Divine”

I then crushed the Aloe Vera and rubbed this onto the beads and then wrapped this around the candle. I used small pieces of fencing wire to secure this to the candle so it would not slip.

Light this candle each day until it has burnt out, and then places the beads in the home somewhere you will be able to see it.

I chose to use a blue candle as the astrological correspondence for the colour blue are Virgo, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces. So as we have two Virgos, one Capricorn and one Pisces in the home I felt that it was the best colour.

The colour for the beads were chosen to represent the
Maiden - white: - White is magically neutral and represents the Goddess and Ancient Mother. Safety, the divine self, enlightenment, cycle of life, freedom, health, love, initiation
Mother red: - The color red symbolizes life's blood and has always been associated with Wiccan Rituals in that sense. Passion, fire, courage, strength, joy, life renewal, energy, health, motivation, desire
Crone black: - To return energy to its sender. Divination, banishing spells, chaos, beginning of creation, rebirth, infinity. When used along with the color white it represents opposites- male/female

I then added
Gold because it represents solar energy and God. Leadership, logical thinking, problem-solving, conscious awareness, health and recovery.
Yellow – as it is the energy of the sun, healing, friendship, strengthen productivity; improve inventiveness, prosperity, self-esteem, beauty, life, light, humility
Light blue – so that I can encourage wisdom, patience, peace, truth, loyalty, meditation, insight, happiness, fidelity

Monday, August 10, 2009

got to love ABBA.....

and the drugs!!!

well it would seem that the drugs plus ABBA.....have worked to get me moving...i skipped, boxed and crunched...

ABBA the greatest hits is a great CD to work out to...cos if you can still sing along to the songs you're not working hard enough!!!!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Little john

Just letting you all know that Little John's operation went really well....his hernia is all fixed and now his testicle is down where it's supposed to be.

plus Bear did not have his sleep today and i did not have a melt down...

you know it's only since I've looked really closely at myself that i have come to the conclusion that i have been a wee bit obsessive re Bear and now DollyGirls sleep....

hmm think that all comes down to the "my time" issue

hopefully this will only get better

looky see

This of course is Dollygirl

this one is of me (the one in the high chair) when i was about 6 months....look alike

Saturday, August 8, 2009

well it's official......i'm mad, cookoo, loony, crazy, nuts, raving,stark raving bonkers

yes all that and more!!!

am on medication for PND.....which is Post natal depression...doc thinks that i have had it since Bear was born...but as i was exercising and taking herbs etc...i managed to keep it in check..

When i fell pregnant, well the feel good hormones helped...then wham....PND back again but worse as it was not treated right in the first place...

So now I've decided to put my hand up and get the help need to get myself back on track....

one and for all...

I did go to my own Doc last time with Bear...but he really didn't explain things the way this other Doc has done...well she does specialize in treatment of women with PND...

I told her that i hate the feeling of being out of control and that last time i felt really spaced out on the I'm only taking 1/2 tablet for the first 4 days then 1 tablet (10mgs) per day

it's day 2 and well...we will wait and see

this Doc did mention something that i thought was very interesting....

She said that having a mental problem after you have had children can effect your bond with them!!!!

And bond is not about how much you love them...

it's to do with the "dance" and how you "mesh" with them....

Now that really did ring some bells for Bear has always been very much..."no mummy do it"..."i want Mummy" and he follows me around all day everyday.....

me thinks my bond is not "meshing" that well with him yet...

Also she said that my need to have time away from that kids to keep me "Sane" also come from the women that have adjusted to motherhood will often love to have time off/away from the kids but unlike me.....don't need it to keep them sane....

I'm so glad i went to see going back to she in 2 weeks to talk about how the meds are going and she may add a mood adjustment drug into it as well...cos i can go from crankypants in seconds these days!!!

Thanks for that support via the comments, really helps


PS...when asked on the forms what religion i was....i put down Wiccan...first time I've done that!!!!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Old -V- New

something big is happening...

i have for quite awhile now been wanting to go back the old me...

cos that person was not mad, or angry all the time or scared (plus she got to sleep when she wanted too!!!)

but last night whilst trying to go to sleep a voice you really want to go back to the old you...

i mean as the old you, you were...

self opinionated, cold, aloof, controlled, arrogant, way to Strong for your own good sometimes, never could ask for help and then when you did could never take the advise/help given!!!, you were funny, loving, kind and helpful in your own way.....but

the new you...

scared, out of control, very, very angry, you are still strong, loving, kind to some....cold and aloof to others

so the question that is scaring the pants off me is ...who do i really want to be?

i am

a mother
a wife
a sister
a daughter
a friend
a witch

to name but a few.....

so what do i want from me....

what do i want others to see

why to i care what others think/feel about me?

would it help if i put my head in the sand as i normally do and hope it will all get better without me having to do anything?


but this is how i normally cope with things..

why now does it have to change?

why now do i feel that i have to look at myself and try to re-discover who i really am?

my god that's painful...

i mentioned in an earlier post that i went out for a girls night out...had a great time too..

but i was stuck wondering what to talk about...

that's right me...whom some would say could talk under water with marbles in her mouth..

but i didn't know what to talk about that was not just around kids....

i said i would never get like that....but hey shit happens

so I'm left here wondering who i really am

who do i want to be?

who should i be?

why do i want to be me?

Friday, July 31, 2009

Little John

He is going into hospital next Thursday to have his hernia operated he also has to have his right testicle pulled down into his scrotum...make your eyes water boys!!!

So if you could send some love and healing over to my Sis and her hubby and of course little John that would be wonderful..



Wednesday, July 29, 2009

interesting time with a Dragon

go check it out on my new blog

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

life is like a box of chocolates

and at the moment all i seem to be getting are the hard ones....

if it wasn't for Bear i don't think I'd want to be here....

I have often wondered how mothers can up and leave their kids and never come back.....

well today it's not that hard to understand their mind set!!!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Girls night out

had a great night out last night.....met up with a very good Friend of mine that had moved to Middle marsh in QLD last August.....didn't know if i was going to be able to make just cos I've been so tired lately..but made myself make the effort..

very much worth the effort too...great night...drinks, dancing and girly chats...and an awesome band on at the Blackbutt...

Plus no hangover today!!!!


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Wait n see

I have made an appointment on the 7th August with a lovey Dr in the Linguard who is said to be a very helpful friend went to see her after the birth of her second child and she does not make you take the medication if you don't want to and if she feels that there is not a real need for you to do so...a high dose of Omega 3 fish oil is said to be very good for this kind of I'm going to try and find some today..

i still feel that it is somewhat related to my periods as it is a week away and the rage/overwhelm feels that i have are getting is the time that i seem not be able to cope with DollyGirls crying at all...not even for a minute!!!

But when it's over i can deal with her crying ok...not brilliantly but ok...

oh well it's a wait n see i surpose

Monday, July 20, 2009

Dance like nobody's watching.....

These are the lyrics for a song by Paul Greene....

You're just got to work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt,
Dance like nobody's watching, you only get what you deserve.
Trust like you've never been lied to; know who you want be.
You get to choose what you want to believe in,but you gotta be free.

I think that to try to do one of those things is so hard but would be so worth it


i don't think you can ever post too many photo's this cute

"Now what's for dinner mum?"

"Any good movies on?"

Ok where do i go from here?

"Can't see me...way too many toys"

Saturday, July 18, 2009

The good, the bad and the plain ugly

The Good.....

DollyGirl slept thur the night last night....10pm till 6:20am.....woohooo.....never thought it would happen so just got to make it happen every night...

Also went to Lizotte's on Thursday night with some friends...and i highly recommend it to was a great night...we had dinner then sat and watched/listened to Paul Greene...who I'd never heard of until that night...but what performer...he is a singer/songwriter...and a great one at that...and if i can work out how to load a play list thingy onto my blog will upload some of his songs...but then you guys may already know him....

Lizottes is a music venue that used to be the Kings theatre, it supports local talent

Have to say some of his songs really touched me and made be realise how low I've been in the past few months as i have stopped listening to the music i love and dancing with Bear like we used to most days at some point in the day.....

Have done that yesterday and will do again today.....

The Bad....

hmmm...very sorry Teach but my homework for YAAD is very much not done.....cant seem to pull my finger out of my behind and get down to it....there is always something else to gardening....watching TV.....bad girl...very bad girl.....will have it done by Monday....course i will!!!!

And the plain ugly...

I had a question a while ago that i wanted to know the answer your pubic hair go grey....well I've got the answer yes they bloodily well do....i got a shock this morning in the i really am feeling my age!!!!!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

PJ's got to love them!!!

and I've spent the last couple of days in them...due to having the flu....yes there was i thinking that I'd got away from catching whatever Hubby & bear i didn't catch that..i got the bloodily flu....

Got hit by a mack truck did i...went down like a sack of shit!!!!

fever...nose running all the way to England and back.....aching all over and then some.....

But thanks god for Hubby....he did all the night feeds on Sat & Sun so yours truly could sleep and sleep i the dead...which at one point one did think i was close to it......pity....pity...pity.....but I'm on the road to recovery and no my flu did not go......oink, oink, oink

One thing that i have decided to do is get some professional help re my depression...because i do think that is what i have...

i cant seem to find joy in my children at all and the only things that seem to make me feel even a little bit human is the time i get away from them and then it never seems long enough...


i call the lovey Doc i went to see with Olivia back in April and I'm getting a referral to a lady who works out of the Linguard...she works with post-natal depression.....if i can get away from having to have medication i will be happy but i understand that i may need it so will take it without compliant...

i really really really what to be able to control my rage.....i seem to get anger at just about anything these days and poor Bear cops it....not fair....not right lets hope something will work


Thursday, July 9, 2009

All big Kev'd

Amazing how the universe works....

i did a visionary broad at Stroud.....which is now sitting on my toilet door...underneath a sign i made up a while ago...saying "if i can image it i can achieve it"

I thought it was a great place to put it as i would get to see it lots of times during the day / night hehehe

This part of my visionary broad is for my aim at getting fit again....and it's working really well...i have cut out/down my sugar and bread and pasta that i used to eat so much of and now am eating more fruit/veg's and i have cut my portion size using a smaller plate as it helps to make you think you are still eating the same amount when your not!!!!

This part is about my Dragons and how i want to get some Dragon Orcale cards printing and when i saw this course "fantasy watercolour/pencil class" in the WEA.....well i just had to i can learn how to draw fairies, witches..hehehe and of course Dragons....

Amazing..just amazing....

even my bad head cold that i now have can not stop me!!!!!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Lovers


Basic Card Symbols

An angel or cupid, a man and a woman, two trees (in Waite, it is Adam & Eve with one tree having a serpent and apples) - in some decks one tree is flowering, but the other has fruit. Also in some decks there is a man standing between two women.

Basic Tarot Story

The Fool comes to a cross-road, filled with energy, confidence and purpose, knowing exactly where he wants to go and what he wants to do. But he comes to a dead stop. A flowering tree marks the path he wants to take, the one he's been planning on taking. But standing before a fruit tree marking the other path is a woman. He's met and had relationships with women before, some far more beautiful and alluring. But she is different. Seeing her, he feels as though he's just been shot in the heart with cupid's arrow, so shocking, so painful is his "recognition" of her. As he speaks with her, the feeling intensifies; like finding a missing part of himself, a part he's been searching for his life long. It is clear that she feels the same about him. They finish each others sentences, think the same thoughts. It is as if an Angel above had introduced their souls to each other. Though it was his plan to follow the path of the flowering tree, and though it will cause some trouble for him to bring this woman with him, to go somewhere else entirely, the Fool knows he dare not leave her behind. Like the fruit tree, she will fulfill him. No matter how divergent from his original intent, she is his future. He chooses her, and together they head down a whole new road.

Basic Tarot Meaning

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. In interpretation, the card indicates that the querent has come across, or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that they will fall in love with. They will know instinctively that they must have this, even if it means diverging from their chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it they will never be complete.

Thirteen's Observations

The Lovers is a confusing card as it is ruled not by an emotional water sign but by airy Gemini. The original trump featured a man and a woman with a cupid above them about to shoot his dart. Later this became three figures, the interpretation being a man choosing between two women, or a man meeting his true love with the help of a matchmaker. Still later, with Waite, we have an Angel above Adam and Eve. The Angel stands for Raphael, who is emblematic of Mercury and Air, planet and element of Gemini. Gemini is the communications sign. It's all about messages and making contact; also, as it is the card of the twins, it's about finding your other self. In this regard, you can see that the Lovers card begins to make sense. Especially if you change it back to "LOVE." Here is a card about perfect communication, about finding something your soul requires. In this regard, its most common interpretation about being "A Choice" makes sense. When this card appears, you are being told to trust you instincts, to choose this career, challenge, person or thing you're so strongly drawn to, no matter how scary, how difficult, irrational or troublesome - without it, you will never be wholly you. It's sudden and unexpected, and it means a compete change in plans; but this is LOVE. True love. Go for it!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Hobbit House

As Cyndy wanted to know more about the hobbit house here are some inside pictures

Monday, July 6, 2009


I have just come back from a beautiful weekend away (kid free) from was heaven...wished i didn't have to come reality can suck...

Here are some pictures from the weekend..

The hobbit house

it's so cute!!!

The monastery where we stayed

our yule atlar

Thursday, July 2, 2009

some hope

well DHead may have just redeemed himself by the skin of his teeth...he has said now that he can get on week off compassionate leave and one week off un-paid leave...

Sis was wondering why the hell he never said anything about this before...his reply "I had to check with the new boss" far enough...but why not tell Sis in the first place rather than leave her thinking that he didn't give a flying whatever!!!

Men...some should be shot at birth

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

More healing please

My little Sis, the one who has "little John" who is now 11 weeks old and doing a lot better,

Well she has just snapped her Achilles tendon..and is in plaster from knee to toes...

hmmm not good when you need to look after said 11 week old!!!

and Dhead (hubby) answer to this is to take the change mat down from upstairs put the mat in the lounge and let Sis bum shuffle around all day on her own!!!! WTF is wrong with this guy?

He needs to take time off work to help her out........oh my god if only i were over there I'd light a fire under his ass for sure!!!

Sis will not know until Friday how long she will be in plaster, or if they will need to operate, so please send as much healing her way....


Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Just letting you know that josh did not have to have his arm pinned...phew...he did have to go into surgery just so they could straighten his arm and plaster it. He is home now and will need to go back for a check-up in abut 4 weeks

Monday, June 29, 2009


Can you please send healing to my nephew Josh as he has just broken his arm again and now has to have surgery and have the break pinned.


Friday, June 26, 2009

My Major Arcana

When we were working out what our major arcana was from our birth date, i had the funnest feeling of Deja vo 9if that's how you spell it?)

I was so sure that i have been in that same moment before, and with the same people....

Anyway to calculate your birth date number you have to add all the numbers of your birth date together EG if your birth date was 19.11.1969 you would add 1+9+1+1+1+9+6+9 = 37 then add 3+7 makes 11, now in this case you can look at both cards the Fool (number 1) and Strength (number 11)

my birth date come to a 9 which is the Hermit...

In The Hermit card, the 9th card of the Tarot, the teachers of the Ageless Wisdom are providing us with a future view of the outcome of our soul's successful struggle to reach the highest level of earthly/spiritual enlightenment possible... an attainment that is attributable to and obtainable through continued discipline, diligence and dedication to the laws of Divine living.
As we view the card, most of us get a sense that The Hermit is an isolated, solitary being, one who prefers a private existence apart from the extravagance and superficiality of materialistic living. Largely that's true, but the real message he wishes to impart is just how important it is for you and I (if we wish to reach his level of attainment) to set our values above materialism's fascinations and temporal attunements. Notice that he is pictured standing on the highest peak among the surrounding mountains. In his right hand he holds a lantern which appears to be lighting his way. Actually, the lantern's light is intended for seekers, others like you and I, who are still climbing and struggling up the mountainside below him. Notice that he is looking down, watching our progress. According to Carl Jung he is very concerned and most protective of our efforts. He is really that part of us, the Divine within, that is ready to provide us instant direction and truth. We have but to go within... to ask for healing, guidance or forgiveness. For all who seek, loving support and enrichment will be returned to you many fold.
The ancients were very sharp and astute in the way they secretly blended, weaved and illustrated various Universal Metaphysical Laws and Truths within each of the cards of the Tarot. For instance... in The Hermit card they wove numerological principle into the picture and theme of the portrayal. Notice how the bodily stance of the Hermit resembles the number (9), the actual number of the card. This wasn't accidental. In numerology the number (9) represents completion, personal mastery and the conclusion or end of either a process, situation, idea or an involvement. In the case of The Hermit these number (9) qualities fit his characterization exactly.

The Hermit is the living representation of human mastery over earthly 3rd dimensional polarities, emotions and temptations. He has reached the mountaintop, the last spiritual level of mastery and is now devoting his full attention to the support and enrichment of others. In numerology, the (9) personality is also heavily involved in counseling, healing and supporting others. This is a wonderfully noble endeavor, both for The Hermit and the NINE personality, but there can be a downside. Most NINE's are so emotionally involved and committed to their work and the people they wish to protect, that they will become self-sacrificing and willing to give up their own rights and interests just to aid another. Although most humane, this inner need must be avoided at all costs. The evolved Hermit, being fully aware of this pitfall, always stipulates... "I love you and will help you, but as a Hermit, I stay apart, removed and disconnected from your personal emotional entanglements". "If you desire my help and assistance, please ask, but if you simply want to invade and drain my energies, expecting me to carry you, I will detach".

Whenever I meditate on The Hermit card, I am reminded of the ancient Greek philosopher Diogenes. He was well known for his teaching that one should practice self-control and remain steadfast in their pursuit of virtue. Legend has it that he used to walk the streets of Athens, after dark, circa (330 B.C.), searching for an honest man. He epitomizes the Hermit's quest for human and spiritual perfection. For this reason, The Hermit's lantern is known by many as "the light of Diogenes". Our Ancient Teachers inform us that the light emanating from the lantern is actually the Light of our Soul. This light is streaming out emanates from a six-pointed star which represents your Spiritual Higher Self. Many are unaware that the Higher Self and the Soul are separate entities... actually, they are really one and the same (of the same essence), but the soul remains a distinct and individual identity while operating here in the 3rd dimension. The Higher Self (the spark of the Creator) is of too high a vibration to dwell within Earth's vibrational density. Therefore, so it can be active here, your Spirit projected what is known as your "soul" to act as its agent here on Earth. The soul is in effect a "holographic projection" or as the Ancients called it, "a projected finger of fire" from Spirit. It is the soul's light that contains the ancient wisdom and knowledge gained experientially by The Hermit on its path to perfection. Now, in his exalted consciousness, he is in a position to help others as they evolve.

Finally, it's interesting to note that The Hermit wears a gray robe... it signifies that he has resolved life's polar opposites which are always shown in the Tarot as either White (positive energy) and Black (negative energy). Gray is the blended neutrality of these Black and White opposites. In his left hand he holds the suspended yellow rod or staff of intellect and higher knowledge. This storehouse of wisdom resides within his subconscious mind. In the Tarot anything held in the left hand is automatically subjective and of a subconscious nature. Anything held in the right hand (the lantern) manifests within the conscious awareness of the individual.

feeling better

well the trip[ to the naturopath is working, my herbs have started to kick what with them and my up coming weekend away from kids...woohoo...i should be ready to take on the world...or maybe just my kids again LOL


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

New Blog

Ok so here is my new blog please take the time to go have a look and let me know what you think

Thank you

A very, very big Thank you to the lovely Jane who came to my rescue this afternoon when i was having a bad moment/day with DollyGirl....

Inspired by Kora

well i have been inspired by our lovely Kora....

I am going to get another blog going to blog my feeling / thinking about my Wiccan studies plus my Dragons again....

My Dragons have been pushing for this for sometime but my brain has been in a fog for the last 3 months now i think it is clearing...and this new blog will help.

Watch this space for more

Monday, June 22, 2009

Lets wait and see

am going to a naturopath this morning, as i want to try the natural way first before going to my Dr, but i thank you all for your comments and support.

Yes this month is a bad one for me and as dear Kora said i need to work out why it still hurts so much...i was sitting yesterday trying to remember if i was as upset / sad last year at this time and i realised that i wasn't....


Because i was too concerned with whether i was pregnant or is my sadness based on whether I've got nothing in my life to focus on or is it that i get so catch up in all that is to do with me that i don't have time to think of anything else?

If that is the case have a ever really let myself grieve for my Dad?

My thinks a trip to the counselor would be a great help

Saturday, June 20, 2009


i am really struggling at the moment...

today is my Dad's birthday and tomorrow is fathers day in England so all that coupled with the anniversary on the 9th of this month makes it a very hard month for me indeed.

I think that i am sliding into a depressed state as I'm finding increasingly hard to enjoy life at the moment.

I have so much but still i cant seem to see it for what it's worth

Monday, June 15, 2009

Funny old time

it's been a weird/funny few days for me...

think that's just the leftover from Dad and his anniversary....

I thought i had so much that i wanted to say..but now that I've got a spare 5 minutes to blog...I've gone blank...

DollyGirl is going good, we changed her back to the old formula we were using...bad idea...she went back to screaming after her at least we now know that a low lactose formula is helping....makes me wonder if she is actually lactose intolerance? but hubby, Bear and I have no such allergies, so could DollyGirl have this allergy?

Bear tried to shut the car door with his head on Sunday....Alas it did not work and he ended up with a cut on his head....don't head wounds bleed so much....oh my god...there i was rubbing it better like i normally do if he has hit his head when i looked at my hand and .....blood!!!! Mum graped the car keys ran inside and cold/wet flannel to the head....and Bear...well he just wanted mum to get the cold thing off his head and "can we go in the car now and go and have some birthday cake?"...

We were on our way out the door to a friends 3rd birthday...when he hit his head....

I did not sleep to god on Sunday night even though i had put the monitor from DollyGirls room right next to Bear i still kept checking him all night...well you never know with head wounds..

But he is all good now...phew

I'm not sure if I'm sliding into depression or not as i am finding all too hard at the moment and feel that life is just the same old thing day in day out....


I'm just so bloody tired all the time?

bring on Stroud...i think i will sleep that whole not the whole weekend as i am so looking forward to catching up with all my sister that i haven't seen for so long

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Dear Dad

Today I have been thinking about you a lot, as it’s been 2 years since you left this world….

I was remembering the time that I climbed out of my bedroom window…after I made my sister promise on her own death that she would not breathe a word of where I had gone (we shared a room) and went out with my boyfriend of the time only to try to come back through the window to find it shut and you standing looking out at me!!! Oh my god…did I get into trouble or what….

And the time when you came into our bedroom to smack our bottoms because my sister and I would not go to sleep, we were talking instead, I told Sis to put a hardback book on our bums….you smacked me first then…made a very strange noise and walked out the bedroom…only to come back with the wooden spoon!!! You took the book away and …….never used the wooden spoon……

The time spend with you in the garage just handing you screws, nails, tools were some of my happiest times…as I had you all to myself.

I never knew until your funeral just how proud you were of me that day I had to catch two buses and walk an hour to get to a job interview, only to have the employment agency get the time wrong in the first place and I turned up 30 minutes late anyway…I got the job through because I didn’t take no for an answer. You told my sisters all about it on many occasions they told me when ever they didn’t try very hard to get something!!!

Sometimes Dad I wished you had told me…..would it have been so hard to have done so?

I miss you Dad, I miss the fact the children will never know what a great Papa you would have been…..that they will only know you through photos and my memories.

I remember how we used to ride around on your back pretending that you were our very own race horse…your knees must have been so sore after doing this for the 3 of us…but never a word of complaint did we hear.

So many memories I have to treasure….and I am extremely grateful for them….

I love you still very much and miss you everyday

Your darling Daughter

Monday, June 8, 2009


This was me yesterday.....

Hubby went to watch the Knights play so he left at 2:30pm and did not get home until 3:30am this morning....gasp...phew.....snore

So WonderWomen here had to play, feed, bath, dress, bottle and bed both Bear and DollyGirl by herself...

now this maynot seem like a big deal to some of you who may do this on a daily basis but i do not and it's a big thing for me to have done and done well with no tears, scream or shouting on my part or the kids!!!!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Ok got one

I'm grateful for...

My family's health

The fact my mum is coming over in Oct..(kind of rhymes)

That my washing machine is working..even if it leaks a wee bit

Our new carpet..oh yes i forgot to say we had carpet put in the bedrooms and hallway on Monday...looks and feeling great....

My lovely blue nails

Never again say i

Well I'm so over the day in day out of my life at the present moment...washing, cleaning, cooking, picking up after Bear, washing again.....and then washing again.....

and the weather is so not happening...cant go anywhere...cos it's persisting down.....

and on top of it all the said washing machine has now gone belly up....will cost about $500 to washing machine is in order......

Am trying to find a positive in my day......

no cant seem to find it yet...will get back to you on that one....

oh and maybe the fact that it's coming up to my Dad's anniversary is not helping

Friday, May 29, 2009

Picutures of DollyGirl & Bear

some more artwork!!!!

This one has no name yet...still not sure what it's all about really

My attempt at creativity!!!!

I decided to do a naming picture for DollyGirl as i did for's the end result...what do you think?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Do we have the right?

Long post...

I would like to get some things off my chest……

Here is some background into this issue…..

My younger sister…(in the UK) who will be know as Sis from now on, has just had a little boy called “little John” (my nickname for him) and like DollyGirl has colic…he has it a little worse than her as he also has a hernia in his groin which pops out if he screams/cries too much… she is going through a pretty tough time…now unlike myself she does not have the support of her Hubby…he is a Tool, that is one of the better things that I have called him in the past……my family all think he is an absolute DHead….of the highest kind….

When their first son “brainbox” was born it took the DHead 6 months to get the nursery ready for him..that’s 6 months after he was born mind you!!!! The poor boy was too big for his bassinet at that stage so was not sleeping very well at all. So I was hoping that he would be a wee bit better this time round…


So far Little John as no stroller cover, bouncer or swing etc as it is all still up in the that’s right it doesn’t have to be brought so it’s not a money issue it’s all there but in the loft…….why I here you all ask….because DHead is a lazy SOAB…..

When Little John needs to be winded he needs to be walked around upright due to his colic…but DHead of course just sits on the bed cos it’s too hard to walk around right…..WRONG

So Sis has to take Little John as he is screaming and will wake up Brainbox……plus it could also upset his hernia……

DHead writes down everytime Little John, poo’s, wee’s, feeds, sleeps etc in a little book…..WHY……it’s not to help Sis to let her see if Little John has a sleep pattern or feeding pattern…NO it’s so that he can turn around and let Sis know if she is not doing something it way he feel it should be done!!!!

Now Sis was always a very strong minded women…but I’m not sure where that person has gone….my elder sister…NurseMum…told me that the other day when they were there to visit Sis asked DHead if she could open a window in the lounge room as they were all locked!!!! It’s your house too…just open the god damn window…..

We don’t think that he is physically abusive but he is certainly mentally…NurseMum told me that DHead had told Sis that when Brainbox was born he was afraid to come home as he thought he would come home to find that she had killed herself as she had bad post natal depression……WTF…why would you even say that to your wife!!!! DHead had the audacity to say that Sis had told him that she wanted to end it all!!!!!

NurseMum thinks that DHead has got worse since my Dad died as we know that he was afraid of him…as Dad would speak up if he heard DHead talk to Sis or Brainbox like that….

Strange but he has never been rude or standoffish with me hehehe..i never let him plus I’ve given him a piece of my mind a few times when I lived in the UK plus when once over the phone from here!!!

What I want to know is….what the HELL can you do? As a practicing Witch it is very hard not to rush into doing spell or a ritual to throw something at DHead…but that’s not ethical no not at all…I live by “if it harm none so mote it be” so I has been asking for guidance in this matter as I know Sis needs help and support so far nothing has come through…

What are your thoughts/feeling on the whole thing……

Monday, May 25, 2009

Bugs, bugs and more bugs.....

We are all sick in the King household....Bear has a sore throat and cough...Hubby and i have got a very nasty gastric bug...and DollyGirl is getting over a sore throat thing..........hmmmm a good night was not had by any last night....Hubby's gastric bug hit him at 4pm mine waited a little while until 2.30am...thankfully I'd just fed DollyGirl...

Water is about the only thing that I'm taking and that is still going straight through me...phew....

Only hoping and praying that the kids don't get this gastric bug...that would not be any fun

Thursday, May 21, 2009

I do have news

How could i have forgot to post this???

My Mum is coming over on the 15th Oct for a whole month....yeah.....

so we are looking at going to spend about 5 days in the Bay to go dolphin watching etc...with the kids....

Will be greathaving her will be the last time through as she is over 73 so a long trip like this is not something he could do again

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

No much to say

Well i haven't posted for a couple of days..cos i don't have much to say really...just that all's the same here in Jewell land and that's about it.....

Sunday, May 17, 2009


My toe is all black and yucky...broken for sure...not sure if I'm going to go get it X-rayied cos you cant do anything with a broken toe....

Will see how it is in the morning....

night all


I think i've broken my little toe on my right foot....oh no


I have been thinking now since DollyGirl was born...what sort of tattoo to have done to represent her 2ND name is Rose that seems like the likely option.....i have been looking on the net and have come up with some designs but need to sit down and draw some out!!!!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

What's in a noise

Today DollyGirl made the cutest little noise and I fell head over heels in love......

Today I have felt Angels around me......

Today I turned a corner.....

Today I found out that one small thing can make a difference

Friday, May 15, 2009

The end is near....

Only about 11 days to go until DollyGirl is 3 months...that's from her actual birth date.....not her due date....

So then it will be all plain sailing and happy days from then on.....yes it will will...I'm telling you it will be hehehehe

You know as i have been reading other blogs over the pass year or has struck me that i am a very Lucky person...i didn't have a bad childhood, i was not abused in anyway, I've not done drugs, never had an alcohol problem (that could change though!!) and in most of my relationship's i have always been the one to call the shots, plus my kids are not yet that independent that they have problems of their own to deal with...

So although i read all your posts and comment sometimes i feel a bit of a fraud because I've never been through any real tough times...yes i know my Dad died 2 years ago this June but so have a lot of other peoples...

All i can do in most cases is send love to you i hope that this is enough

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Strange but true

Had an argument with my mum the other night over the phone...all because mum wanted to tell me that DollyGirl would be better off not wrapped so that she could get her knees up to her chest to relieve her pain....duh mum like i haven't thought of that one myself...but all i really wanted was for her to say, you're doing a good job and it's not long too go...

Then my sister who has Little John...also with colic rang to say that she knows what I'm going through and just for that time on the phone with her i so wished that i was back in England so that we could go through this together....

Oh well as i said to my mum it was my chose to live over here and no i would not move back to England cos it's way to cold and wet for me !!!!

My little sis did say that mum may keep going on about wanting to help us.....but she asked her to come help her this week and mum is only an hour away from my little sis but mum said she didn't feel like it!!! WTF

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Wishing my life away

I'm sitting here wishing it was this time next year...yes that's right cos then DollyGirl would be over a year old and so over this crap....

I wonder what happy!!!! events i would miss if i could fast forward my life...i would miss out on Bear's third birthday and dollyGirl's first Christmas but so what i say!!!!!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day?!

Well today was a strange day for start at 4am...yes DollyGirl was not playing ball....night before she slept from 8:30pm to 1:30am then until 5am....great said mum....not last night...Hubby got up but was not happy Jan about DollyGirl picks up on this and plays up!!! she goes back to sleep for an hour...then Mum brings into her bed coz I'm not getting up again at all good, she slept til 6:30am so did mum.....

but today she has not wanted to be in her cot...loved the stroller....not cot....hmmm maybe she thinks it's her mothers day!!!! got to be next and close to her mum!!!!!

oh well today is almost over...I'm off to bed when Bear goes to about 1/5 hour then hopefully will get at least 3 hours in before next feed.....

Joy of motherhood

Happy mothers day to all you mums out's a privilege to be a mum

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Very tired...but what's new

i have got some nasty little bug...which makes me feel like a truck has lost control and ran into me....and completely flatten I've been so cold today...I've had four layers on and the air con....hmmmm

plus DollyGirl is over tired and only sleeping for 45 mins at a time so it's a fight to get her back to sleep...oh the joys of parenthood!!!!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Every cloud

Well Sunday night was great...had lots of sleep...Monday not so crash hot as poor DollyGirl did not seem to get out of her car capsule as she was in it when i went to pick her up from GG then in it to go to Cranio, then to Nan & Pop's then back home for a feed then back to pick Bear up from daycare...

Hench why today she did not want to sleep in her cot and it was mum pushing her in the stroller most of today to get her to very over tired baby....

at least she did sleep and she seems to be getting better in her up times now.....loves the dummy but cant keep it in her month...hmmm i wonder if duck taping it to her month is allowed?...only kidding

Monday, May 4, 2009

I survived a night off!!!

My most wonderful MIL or GG as i like to call her...took DollyGirl for the night last night...and i survived ok...

Was a little upset when i was going to bed...but that was coz i was missing her...not coz GG could not cope or anything could go wrong...

you know it has really made me realise that i did have postnatal depression with i would never have been able to let him stay overnight at 8 weeks old even through i really needed it...i only let GG have Bear when he was 10 months old and even then was very upset and unsure the whole time!!! well you know what they say about mothers and their sons

Sometimes it takes a little thing to open your eyes

and i slept from 9pm til 6:30am...woooooooohoooooooooo

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Mad house

at the moment i have both Bear and DollyGirl going for it....and yes I'm laughing...coz it's like they're tag teaming it!!!!

Bear is into the terrible 2 in a big way and will not do anything he is he was sent to bed without lunch....his choice...and all the new toys he has been given over the last 2 weeks have been taken no TV today...hmmm not sure how I'm going to cope with that one but have to try!!!!

At least I've been to Garden City...done the shopping and bought myself some new jeans today...and this was with Bear and DollyGirl so hence why i can laugh....

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


So what's the verdict on DollyGirl...she has colic...yes that's right colic...not reflux which you can do something about..but colic which you have to just grin and bare it!!!!

Oh and the doc reckons that Hubby & I are both depressed so we need to sort ourselves out and of course that will fix DollyGirl's crying....cos she picks up on our emotions...duh..doc could have told you that one for free....

Plus I'm a bad mum cos i didn't breast feed and we're both mad!!!!

I can accept that she has colic and deal with it....but I'm not depressed....just bloody tired all the time...with Bear i was depressed...but not this time....Hubby now he is depressed..but will not admit to it...

I have decided to deal with the colic in a positive way..she is not unwell...she does not have a life treating disease....and she will get over I'm not going to lie to you and say this will work all the time but i am going to give it my best shot...and i have only 4 weeks to go till she is 3 months old and will grow out of i will walk lots and maybe turn up at peoples place...

I've just spoken to the lovely Diana and she said that she had colic when she was pregnant with her was great to finally understand how DollyGirl is feeling, that she is in pain and Diana reckons that you can get something to it's off to the clinic nurse at Amcal tomorrow to see what they can offer us

Monday, April 27, 2009

Witch I Am

I still have not really got my head around Saturday night...think that it's due to lack of sleep and still un-settle DollyGirl...

It was a truly wondrous night...very magickal..special and totally was great to be with so many like minded sister..the energy that was raised just from this made my hair stand on end and gave me the shivers...hehehe..not new for me i know but it was at a higher level on Saturday night..

and what beautiful gifts i received....

I was wondering before the night whether to change my magickal name or add onto it...and even when sitting waiting to be brought into circle i still had not really made up my mind..but when i stood to say my vows..."Jewell" was the only name that i felt was right for me at this time...who knows this could change later on..but i doubt it...

I also had a challenge to do for dedication night it was to write out what it meant for my to be a witch....hand write it that my BOS as most of you know that is no mean feat with you have dyslexia!!! and then i read this out on the hear it is ....

Witch I am, witch I be, but what sort of witch will I be?

A book witch?
Who reads everything that I can get my hands on, but then has no time to put into practice what I has learnt from those books.
With excuses poring out like the words from a book!

Witch I am, witch I be, but what sort of witch will I be?

A Coven witch?
Learning from others in a certain transition, but what if I find it too restrictive? Not to my liking….how to get out without losing friendships and sisters?

Witch I am, witch I be, but what sort of witch will I be?

A solitaire witch?
Working on my own, learning at my own pace, but what if I have questions, problems or issues, who do I ask?

Witch I am, witch I be, but what sort of witch will I be?

I will be the witch who is tolerant of others.
Who understands the energies that you put out into the universe will return three fold, mind, body and spirit.

I will be a witch who holds the law “an if it harms none so mote it be” to heart.

I will be the witch that speaks from the heart, with love, compassion and empathy for others.

I will be a witch who knows that she will never know the Wiccan Rede by heart, so will never win the “Dianna” award!!!

I am the witch who has learnt the mother aspect of the Divine and has learnt that motherhood brings with it much love, joy, happiness and tears!

I am the witch that will always try to speak her truth but also accept that others can not always do so, so will not judge others for this.

I am the witch who has still much to learn

I am the witch who has so much still to give


"S" Day

Tomorrow is the big "S" day.....the day we're off to see the specialist has finally arrived....I've been looking over the last two weeks post and I'm surprised I'm even still sane.....but we've made all that needs to happen is for us to find out if there is anything we can do for Dollygirl...I'm hoping the answer will be a big fat YES

and I'll have a normal...if you can have such a

so i will post tomorrow pm to let you all know what happen

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Tonights' the night

Very excited as it's only hours until my dedication for year one of YAAD.....will be meeting up with my sisters for a little gathering before the dedication...


Do you ever get those days when time just seems to fly by and you don't know where the days gone....

Yesterday was like that for me......

Yesterday i also held my daughter twice whilst she slept, not because i had to but because i wanted to.....she was very tired from not sleeping that well on Friday morning i was sitting on the sofa holding her as she was a little upset the sun was coming in the window, it was lovely and warm and she started to fall rather than get up out my nice warm sofa i held Dollygirl (yes we changed her nickname as her daddy has been calling "dollygirl" for a while now and it's kind of cute) so i held Dollygirl till she was fast asleep then kept holding was great to be able to do this as she was so very cute to watch sleep....

Hubby looked after Bear as he (hubby) had put his back out that morning so was not able to go to work...

good for me not so great for him :-(

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Little John

My sister's little boy William is now home...and is very well...many thanks for all your healing thoughts/love sent her and his way

My sister or Andypandy as i used to call her much to her disgust, has been breast feeding since he was born so over 2 weeks now..and now her milk has dried can not blame her with all that she has been through but she is..blaming herself that is.

Why do we do this? we are only human as my lovely friends have all told me....

At least she tried and did it for 2 weeks..he will be fine i told her...i only lasted 2 days with LG...

Wine & Pods

I'm sitting here drink wine and eating yes today has not been a great was not as bad as Monday but not one must do what one can to make one feel as Hubby is off down the pub...I'm home alone with pods & wine...

The other night at YAAD some very lovely ladies offered to take LG for a time, one dear friend offered to take her for the at the time i said no am thinking again...


The thing is....

Would it be a bad thing for me to do...

Would i be seen as a bad mother for giving my child away....even for a night when she is this little?

what would others thinks....

Why the hell am i of all people worried about what others think? but its a hard one don't you think...would you do it?

let some-one else look after your baby for a night...

Now please don't get me wrong these ladies would be more then capable of looking after a baby...of this i have no doubt..but is it something that you can do?

or should do?

God knows i really need a break...i know it's only been 7 weeks but it's been a hard 7 weeks...

If i had lots of money i would hire a nanny..not so that i could go swanning off shopping or having coffee with the girls..but just to have someone who could pitch in and help...take LG when she is offer advise on what i could do to help her.....

God i miss the days when we had family that were close and there was the extended family thing....

Now GG (great grandma) is just that...coming over at a drop of a hat...but she does so much for both us and Hubby's brothers family, plus looks after her mum&dad that i feel that to ask too much is to put too much on her plate...

Oh how I'm waffling....must be the wine....and pods talking