Thursday, April 30, 2009

Mad house

at the moment i have both Bear and DollyGirl going for it....and yes I'm laughing...coz it's like they're tag teaming it!!!!

Bear is into the terrible 2 in a big way and will not do anything he is he was sent to bed without lunch....his choice...and all the new toys he has been given over the last 2 weeks have been taken no TV today...hmmm not sure how I'm going to cope with that one but have to try!!!!

At least I've been to Garden City...done the shopping and bought myself some new jeans today...and this was with Bear and DollyGirl so hence why i can laugh....

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


So what's the verdict on DollyGirl...she has colic...yes that's right colic...not reflux which you can do something about..but colic which you have to just grin and bare it!!!!

Oh and the doc reckons that Hubby & I are both depressed so we need to sort ourselves out and of course that will fix DollyGirl's crying....cos she picks up on our emotions...duh..doc could have told you that one for free....

Plus I'm a bad mum cos i didn't breast feed and we're both mad!!!!

I can accept that she has colic and deal with it....but I'm not depressed....just bloody tired all the time...with Bear i was depressed...but not this time....Hubby now he is depressed..but will not admit to it...

I have decided to deal with the colic in a positive way..she is not unwell...she does not have a life treating disease....and she will get over I'm not going to lie to you and say this will work all the time but i am going to give it my best shot...and i have only 4 weeks to go till she is 3 months old and will grow out of i will walk lots and maybe turn up at peoples place...

I've just spoken to the lovely Diana and she said that she had colic when she was pregnant with her was great to finally understand how DollyGirl is feeling, that she is in pain and Diana reckons that you can get something to it's off to the clinic nurse at Amcal tomorrow to see what they can offer us

Monday, April 27, 2009

Witch I Am

I still have not really got my head around Saturday night...think that it's due to lack of sleep and still un-settle DollyGirl...

It was a truly wondrous night...very magickal..special and totally was great to be with so many like minded sister..the energy that was raised just from this made my hair stand on end and gave me the shivers...hehehe..not new for me i know but it was at a higher level on Saturday night..

and what beautiful gifts i received....

I was wondering before the night whether to change my magickal name or add onto it...and even when sitting waiting to be brought into circle i still had not really made up my mind..but when i stood to say my vows..."Jewell" was the only name that i felt was right for me at this time...who knows this could change later on..but i doubt it...

I also had a challenge to do for dedication night it was to write out what it meant for my to be a witch....hand write it that my BOS as most of you know that is no mean feat with you have dyslexia!!! and then i read this out on the hear it is ....

Witch I am, witch I be, but what sort of witch will I be?

A book witch?
Who reads everything that I can get my hands on, but then has no time to put into practice what I has learnt from those books.
With excuses poring out like the words from a book!

Witch I am, witch I be, but what sort of witch will I be?

A Coven witch?
Learning from others in a certain transition, but what if I find it too restrictive? Not to my liking….how to get out without losing friendships and sisters?

Witch I am, witch I be, but what sort of witch will I be?

A solitaire witch?
Working on my own, learning at my own pace, but what if I have questions, problems or issues, who do I ask?

Witch I am, witch I be, but what sort of witch will I be?

I will be the witch who is tolerant of others.
Who understands the energies that you put out into the universe will return three fold, mind, body and spirit.

I will be a witch who holds the law “an if it harms none so mote it be” to heart.

I will be the witch that speaks from the heart, with love, compassion and empathy for others.

I will be a witch who knows that she will never know the Wiccan Rede by heart, so will never win the “Dianna” award!!!

I am the witch who has learnt the mother aspect of the Divine and has learnt that motherhood brings with it much love, joy, happiness and tears!

I am the witch that will always try to speak her truth but also accept that others can not always do so, so will not judge others for this.

I am the witch who has still much to learn

I am the witch who has so much still to give


"S" Day

Tomorrow is the big "S" day.....the day we're off to see the specialist has finally arrived....I've been looking over the last two weeks post and I'm surprised I'm even still sane.....but we've made all that needs to happen is for us to find out if there is anything we can do for Dollygirl...I'm hoping the answer will be a big fat YES

and I'll have a normal...if you can have such a

so i will post tomorrow pm to let you all know what happen

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Tonights' the night

Very excited as it's only hours until my dedication for year one of YAAD.....will be meeting up with my sisters for a little gathering before the dedication...


Do you ever get those days when time just seems to fly by and you don't know where the days gone....

Yesterday was like that for me......

Yesterday i also held my daughter twice whilst she slept, not because i had to but because i wanted to.....she was very tired from not sleeping that well on Friday morning i was sitting on the sofa holding her as she was a little upset the sun was coming in the window, it was lovely and warm and she started to fall rather than get up out my nice warm sofa i held Dollygirl (yes we changed her nickname as her daddy has been calling "dollygirl" for a while now and it's kind of cute) so i held Dollygirl till she was fast asleep then kept holding was great to be able to do this as she was so very cute to watch sleep....

Hubby looked after Bear as he (hubby) had put his back out that morning so was not able to go to work...

good for me not so great for him :-(

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Little John

My sister's little boy William is now home...and is very well...many thanks for all your healing thoughts/love sent her and his way

My sister or Andypandy as i used to call her much to her disgust, has been breast feeding since he was born so over 2 weeks now..and now her milk has dried can not blame her with all that she has been through but she is..blaming herself that is.

Why do we do this? we are only human as my lovely friends have all told me....

At least she tried and did it for 2 weeks..he will be fine i told her...i only lasted 2 days with LG...

Wine & Pods

I'm sitting here drink wine and eating yes today has not been a great was not as bad as Monday but not one must do what one can to make one feel as Hubby is off down the pub...I'm home alone with pods & wine...

The other night at YAAD some very lovely ladies offered to take LG for a time, one dear friend offered to take her for the at the time i said no am thinking again...


The thing is....

Would it be a bad thing for me to do...

Would i be seen as a bad mother for giving my child away....even for a night when she is this little?

what would others thinks....

Why the hell am i of all people worried about what others think? but its a hard one don't you think...would you do it?

let some-one else look after your baby for a night...

Now please don't get me wrong these ladies would be more then capable of looking after a baby...of this i have no doubt..but is it something that you can do?

or should do?

God knows i really need a break...i know it's only been 7 weeks but it's been a hard 7 weeks...

If i had lots of money i would hire a nanny..not so that i could go swanning off shopping or having coffee with the girls..but just to have someone who could pitch in and help...take LG when she is offer advise on what i could do to help her.....

God i miss the days when we had family that were close and there was the extended family thing....

Now GG (great grandma) is just that...coming over at a drop of a hat...but she does so much for both us and Hubby's brothers family, plus looks after her mum&dad that i feel that to ask too much is to put too much on her plate...

Oh how I'm waffling....must be the wine....and pods talking

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Great inventions

What a great invention the dummy is....LG has finially worked out what the thing is for...claming yourself down.....and it works so far...i say so far coz LG is known to change like the wind.....or i should say like the tides being that she is a little Pisces..

This last day the dummy and the very pink swing have been god sends...they work to help her calm down and stay calm so...whoopy

Guess what...LG is so advance...she can roll from her tummy back onto her first i thought it was just a one off but no...she has now done this 3/4 cant put her on her tummy on the sofa anymore...coz she could end up on the slate floor...not a good thing.

Plus i had a smile today...not a wind one a poper advance

Dummies, Pacifiers, Soothers, what's in a name?

The humble pacifier, the giver of peace, the instrument of tranquillity and mothers savoir, all of these names do not do justice to the power of this little piece of plastic and rubber. The sanity of many long gone mothers has been saved by this little piece of magic!

Over the years the pacifier has taken on a general standard appearance, e.g. teat, mouth shield and handle, but in reality the pacifier can be anything that soothes the baby. Indeed the pacifier of today, evolved from the teething soothers of yesteryear

An advert from Sears Roebuck & Co catalogue dated 1902, It was around this time that the pacifier took on the shape that we all recognise today. It is true to say the pacifier we are all familiar with today evolved directly from the early teething rings.

Many of the early teething rings/dummies were manufactured with a choice of black, maroon or white rubber. The harmless looking white rubber of the day contained a certain amount of lead!

If 21st century soothers can be hard on a child’s teeth, imagine what the 17th century version did. Parents in the 1600s used white candy sticks as pacifiers for their children.

A couple of hundred years later, the expression “born with a silver spoon in his mouth” could be taken literally. If you were an upper-crust mom in the 1800s, you probably gave baby a pacifier made of silver. And if you were taking her out for a special occasion, you probably broke out the high-end sucky, the one made from mother-of-pearl or the one made of coral which was thought to ward off sickness and the evil eye.

A less elaborate pacifier, still in use last century, was properly known as a “sugar tit.” This was made by tying cloth or gauze around a small amount of sugar and soaking it, then giving it to baby to suck.

A mere five or six years ago, soothers surfaced in the world of fashion. In the mid-’90s, it was a teen trend to wear pacifiers as accessories.
bullet Meanwhile, Maggie from The Simpsons is rarely separated from her pacifier, and her constant “suck, suck, suck” sound has been the audio backdrop for virtually every episode.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

onward and upwards

Today started off much the same as yesterday...lots of screaming and carrying on!!!! oh i said off to Natalie (Craniosacral Therapist) maybe i can leave LG with her!!!

Anyway....Natalie worked her magic on LG...she said that LG has had lots of pain in her lower intestine as she was getting it given to her my my thoughts that she has been in so real pain was right....what to do about that pain is the next question...will be asking questions of the specialist next Tuesday...

help today came in the form of lovely Jane, she turned up just at the right moment...when LG was in fine form so Jane took LG outside so that i could put Bear down for his nap.....lovely friend thanks so very much.

LG's bottle just now was followed by...............wait for it.................

No screaming and carrying on!!!! hmmm go figure...Jane suggested that i write down what happens at each feed to see if there is a pattern and then it's also something to take to the specialist.....

so here we go......

Sunday, April 19, 2009


Well this morning LG was calm as...took her bottle, a bath and then had a burp then looked around and lay on her back just watching the world go by......only a little screaming...just when she got tired......hmmm who swap my baby...

No, no I'm so not complaining......

went off to buy baby swing this god the price of those things...and they have such a limited life....oh well if it works and keeps her happy and calm...i am all for it.....

I looked online first to see what was out there...i saw one from a company called Graco...and it looks like a space pod...and you can take off the head rest thing so you can wear it so baby can smell you all the time whilst in the space pod...but at over $280 not for me.

So the one that i brought was a pink one..yes that's right a pink one, and this is from someone who said so many times..."I'm not buying pink stuff for LG" oh well one can change one's mind...I'm female

it cost $150 and it works..yeah..woohoo...phew

it has 6 speeds and 6 music tunes...very naff but hey whatever works and oh yes did i say it's very pink!!!

so between this new pink swing and the fact that i'm now going with the flow as far as LG and settling her thinks things have been a wee bit better

Saturday, April 18, 2009


me thinks i will be going visiting this afternoon if we have repeat of the same am what guy's it could be your house i turn up to...hehehe than you can see/hear!!!!!

no idea

you know this morning LG got up @ 6;30 which was great....but then for the next 1.5 hour screamed on and i now have a bad headache and so wish she would get over it...coz her mum is over it....

The thing is she is in pain..if this goes on over the weekend it's off to the A&E at the John to get her checked out coz it's not right that's all i know...

i really don't think it's colic as she is not showing the signs and if it is reflux why oh why is she happy sometimes on her back and me peddling her legs? that's more of a lower bowel thing

Dr knows nothing and says wait...hmmm so easy for him to say that, he not have to listen to the noise she makes...coz she is always on her best behaviour at the Dr's

Thursday, April 16, 2009


Baby for sale...dirt cheap...give away to good home... will have to keep her then...

Schools not that long away


Ok so maybe this afternoon's little happy chappie act was just once off? coz this evening just now madam turned into lady ferrel.....screaming and carrying on and no i did nothing different from this afternoon...

very, very frustrating for sure

Many thanks

I have been so overwhelmed by the response to my plea for has been wonderful, just knowing that the support is out there for me is helping me already..LG is a wee bit better this afternoon, so will wait and see how she goes this evening.

I have brought the chemist own brand formula to try and this afternoon fed her about 60mls then gave her a break then gave her the rest about 20mins later it seem to help as she was happy to lie on the lounge and not scream!!!!!

so with all the help and advise so far something has to help her


Dr has no real idea as to what the hell is wrong with her....said to try a different formula then wait for specialist apt which he is going to ring the other Dr to see if we can get in earlier than the 29th!!!

He did say she could have a blockage in her stomach or a problem with her oesophagus, again have to wait for specialist!!!!

Help needed badly

Ok so can i please get another 10 points pls...i need help badly with LG...she had as you know from reading previous post a bad/day...

well it goes on...she has been awake now on and off screaming from 12:50am....i went in to do the feed and had to re-wrap her as her wrap was up over her face...

Such a very bad idea....she then would not go back to sleep no matter what i or hubby did....i finally put her in the stroller and pushed her off to sleep for about 1.5 hours @ 2:30am then she woke at 4am for a feed and well she is still not really her dummy keeps falling put and she will then start crying!!!!!

We didn't really want to use the dummy for this reason but it's the only thing that is helping to stop the screaming at the moment....

So what i need is some help for the next few days as I'm not sure how she is going to go and I'm being brutally honest when i say that if she continues screaming like this i will not cope....something is going to happen..bad

any help welcome even if it's only half an hour where you come hold LG whilst i breathe....

Am going to be calling GG (great Grandam) this morning....I've got an apt for LG to Natalie (cranio lady) next Tues then the specialist apt the Tues going to call the health nurse this morning I've got lots of bases covered but would still love any help you can give....


blessing from a very tired mum

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Thanks god it's over

Yes I'm very happy that today is almost over...i do not repeat do not want another day like today..

Maybe i had too higher expectation for know like sleep and so me time!!! LG did not think was all about her....and after my wonderful friend got her to sleep for me she slept for 1.5 hours then i got her to sleep again by putting her in the car seat and going to Glendale to by myself some books...for my sanity....and Glendale is enough to put anyone to sleep if you ask me!!!!

then LG woke @ 4:50pm and had her bottle ok then screamed on and off until Hubby got her to sleep an hour an a half later!!!!

In between that Bear was fed/bathed and bottled!!! phew...bring on school years i say..

Needless to say no vows were written today....not in the right frame of mind...hmmm wonder why.

PS my sister's little boy who is called William Robert Colin....yes i know lots of doing much better and can keep his blood sugars up by himself. My sister is coming home today but bub is still in hospital...contained love and healing is appreciated

Not going so great

today so far has not been the day i had hope sleep yet as LG is not playing ball...had to call a friend to come over and resuce me this morning as LG would not stop screaming and it was really, really getting to me...

LG has been alseep since about 11am so will wait and see what the afternoon brings us


GG stands for Great Grandma as Grandma took Bear last night as she has him on Wed, so that meant that i only had to deal with LG all night and not get up to him as i did get a bit more sleep last night but not that much as I have started to give LG less amounts of milk per feed but more of them to try and help her with her reflux...if that's is what she has!!!

anyway due to this she woke up every 2.5 hours..phew hard word for sure.....

I have been trying her on the dummy for the last few weeks but she will only take it now and again, so as she then wakes up after 20mins coz it's fallen out, i think I'll give it up now...or not....very deceive me at the moment!!!

Told Hubby i think he has an issue with drink......and needs to get help, also said i think he might be a bit depressed and maybe anti-depression tablets would help...well that went down like a ton of bricks.....very hard and un-moving!!!!

Will wait and see what happens next!!!

Still haven't written my vows...i kind of know what i'm going to say be have yet to put it down on paper..will try to do it today

I put a die in my hair last night...mighty red it was called...and now i look like Ronald McDonald...thanks god i can just shave it off again!!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Bad night/bad day

well the title really says it all!!!

Little Madam was up in the night and then so was between the two mum had 2 hours sleep...lucky me grrr

Am just holding out for the specialist apt at the end of this i know that it may not be the "holy Grail" as hubby called it but at least will have some idea is to why LG is so upset after her bottles all the time!!!! if it's just colic will know that i have to just deal with it and she will grow out of it after about 3 months, if it's reflux then hopefully we can get some meds to help her...and if no anwser then i'm going on strike!!!!!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Is it some-ones birthday?

Happy Birthday dear Lisa...Happy birthday to you..

love and kisses on your special day xxx

Friday, April 10, 2009

So far so good

Well my sisters little boy is still in intensive care but is ok for the moment, they are trying to feed him up...he looks all "skin & bones" as far as my brother in law is concerned.

Andrea is a little bit stressed as you would be....she needs positive vibes sent as she is not known for her positive outlook on life :-)

Thanks for all your thoughts

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Healing SOS

Can you all please send healing ASAP to my Sister Andrea and her new baby boy.....he was born 12:10am this morning and is only 5lb8oz. He had the cord wrapped twice around his neck and is now in intensive care.

They haven't named as of yet...but any healing you can send would be greatly received.


Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Dr says to try a different formula, one that has a thickener in it to help with the reflux, if in the next 24 hours we see no improvement we have to see a specialist as he would feel happier if she saw a peds Dr before he gave any other medication.

so we now have new formula so watch this space!!!!

am still living in the moment :-o

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


looks like another trip to the Dr's tomorrow with LG as she is getting worse rather than better re her she seems to be in pain when trying to feed, and having had reflux myself for a long time...i know how painful it can be sometimes when you're hungry but have reflux bad!!!!

Let's hope the Doc can help

Monday, April 6, 2009

New Day

Today is a new that will be better than yesterday...i am living in the moment

Sunday, April 5, 2009


Crying babies...who'd have them!!!!!!!!


i have been thinking about my magickal i change it or should it stay that same?

Jewell is the magickal name i go by now, but something is telling me to honour the mother aspect of myself... the only issue is that i don't feel that i can add to the end of Jewell....and to put something in front of Jewell seems wrong too?

Jewell not right

or Star Jewell that sounds so pretentious.....

I was thinking of using my Dragon name...but again not really sure that's the right thing to do either!!!! I am still working with the Dragosn just not as much as before....

I have looked into the numerlogy of my names...Helen is an 8 and Jewell is a 4 so not sure if i should go with an 8 or a 4?

Have tried to meditate but as you can imagine...meditaton with a little baby...not very good

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Like my altar?

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My wedding day!